insertcoyne : e3 2006

I had the ..erm... pleasure of attending E3 2006. In fact, I've attended every E3. Well, except for the year that we will refer to only as 'Atlanta'. No offence towards Atlantians, but who came up with that idea?

They tried to keep me out. They tried to keep a lot of people out. No automatic alumni registration. Decent, hard-working companies slashed from the "approved" list. A "support" line that invariably led to an insincere voicemail. "Someone will get back to you". Right.

So they failed. And from the crowd-levels at the show, I'd say they failed all around.

So, on to the show. At the risk of sounding like an ass, after 12 of these, you get a little jaded. Actually, I get rageful. The show is very loud and people are generally rude. And you wait.... wait wait wait. This year took the cake in that department. 3.5 hours from getting in the door to actually playing my first game. I suppose that would be my fault.. for actually wanting to play the Wii. My bad.

To the left is Charles Martinet, who is a pretty cool guy. He also has a pretty cool job, which is voicing Mario and his posse. I wonder how he feels having done this for a bazillion games since 1994? Another E3, another "Thank you veddy Maaach!"? He was the highlight of my wait for the Wii. The latter part of the line featured four digital portraits (screens, really) of NOA people for you to chat with. There was a nerdy guy, a nerdy girl, and a hot girl. The fourth and final was Martinet, who talked to me about the show and asked me where I was from. I've spoken to him in previous years, but as he is contracted to interact with thousands of dumbasses like me, I have no doubt he doesn't remember. Our conversation was interrupted by another dumbass, who I learned (from his loud friend) was the creator of Shantae. These two interactions were the sum total of my celebrity sightings at the show.

Here is what greeted me as a drove up. I was quite pleased, as this location is usually reserved for something especially crappy, such as a Matrix game.

I really enjoy Neverwinter Nights. I did get to sample a very clunky part two in Atari's section of the show. It seemed not as overhauled as I would have expected. Though they dumped the circle menu and inserted better graphics, better cut-scenes, it felt like NWN through and through. It was also extremely slow and featured an identical soundtrack, all of which I'm sure will be rectified by release this September.

Here, I reached the hall on foot. The first line of many, to check my bag for bombs.

I took this photo just to make it absolutely clear: the N-Gage still exists, and it is at this show. More details on this curious phenomenon later.

I think I took this because I was interested in the Eragon poster. But now I notice there are women in it. There were not many women of this... sort at E3 this year, that I noticed anyway.

For a nanosecond I thought these protesters were real. But then the sad truth dawned on me: it was a gimmick for a game. Yuk yuk. Something called Naughty America, or American Naughty. I didn't get the protest angle. But I was moved by the wording. Where _is_ the love E3?? I just wasn't feeling it.

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